Monday, June 23, 2014

To My Girls, When You Turn Sixteen

I can remember waking up at 6:45 in the morning, dragging myself out of bed, putting my high school uniform on, fixing my hair- curling it just a little, and then up into a pony tail with a ribbon tied in a bow. I put on a little make up, slip on my penny loafers and throw a sweatshirt on. I walk into school, and look at the faces I've been in classes with since I moved here in 5th grade. I think I know everyone, and most of all I think I know myself. But at just sixteen? I barely had a clue of the woman I would become. When you turn sixteen, my precious girls, you will feel so grown up. Sometimes you will be so confident in yourself that no one could break you. And sometimes you will be so insecure that no one could build you up. At sixteen you aren't a little girl anymore. Your face has changed and matured, you have grown tall, your clothes are much different than when you were little. You might feel so old, so independent, so ready to be on your own, but my precious girls, not yet. You still have so much to learn.



Don't be a mean girl. Be the type of girl that is genuine and real- but never judgmental. Do everything you can to build other girls up. There will be some who will do what they can to tear you down, they will mock you, they will judge you. Don't be that girl. Be the girl that is so sure of herself that she has nothing to lose by pumping up the confidence of other girls. Don't judge anyone by what they wear, where they go to school, what kind of car they drive. I drove a 1993 4 wheel drive Chevy Suburban for 4 years (starting in 2001!). That truck became my signature, in a way. Go a step further- don't ever judge anyone for any reason, and certainly don't judge them by their mistakes.

Avoid toxic friends. There will be people that will come into your life and change the path you were on completely. You will meet people who will help you become a better person, who will support your decisions, who will build you up- and you will be the same for them. You will also meet people who will think only of themselves. They have no interest in anything except what makes them happy. They may be on a spiral downward, their parents have no input in their wild and reckless lives. If you can help them, then do it. Be there for them if they need it. But always, always, my dear, be guarded. These are people who will sabotage every relationship or friendship you have. Be careful with them.



Value yourself. You are worth a hundred million times your weight in gold. Don't give the most precious, sacred part of yourself away. There will be so many boys that you will feel sure that you are in love with, and they will gladly fill your innocent heart with promises of loving you forever, planning your wedding, mapping out your life together- if that's what they think you want to hear. The boys who will really take care of you, who will be so careful with your heart, the boys that would do anything for you, and respect your morals? Those are the ones you should get to know. Forget about the ones that are trying everything they can think of to go as far with you as they can. The boys who spout out how much they love you, when really you're a little surprised because you just started dating? Those are the ones who will steal what they can from you, and then they will move on to the next girl. Guard yourself, sweet heart. The one guy who waits patiently for you is the one who is worth marrying. The rest are just boys who think they are acting like men. A real man would never try to talk you into anything.

Never, never, forget who you are. Maybe you love dancing, or softball, or fishing. Maybe you love to draw, or you love theater, or you would rather curl up with a notebook and write more than anything. Your favorite movie might be an Adam Sandler classic. You might love tennis, or knitting, or reading. Whatever it is, whoever you are, be true to her. The right people will come into your life and fit just right. The people who don't will find their way out of it.

Be confident, but not conceited. There is nothing more beautiful than a woman who holds her head up high when she walks into a room, isn't afraid to have a conversation with people, and isn't self conscious. At the same time, being self centered takes away from your true beauty. Know that you are breathtakingly beautiful, but be humble. You are a precious gift from God, always remember to act like it.

Find beauty in everyone you meet. Whether its a teacher who seems to understand you, a classmate who you heard has a crush on you, or someone you know who seems to be having a hard time. We all have a story, we all have struggles, and seeing beauty, seeing God in everyone who crosses your path will help you empathize with them.



Study hard. Now, in high school, and even more so in college. You are actually preparing yourself for adulthood, and with good grades come good jobs. And like it or not, one day you'll have to have one. And even though it seems so far away, when you get to college, major in something with a specific job in mind. As in that degree is required for xyz position. Its important, trust me.

Stand up for yourself. Don't let anyone talk down to you or make fun of you. Its very important to (respectfully if possible) enforce boundaries and never let anyone make you feel bad about yourself. Demand respect. People will only take as much as you let them. Remember this quote- "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." - Eleanor Roosevelt. Its the absolute truth, and you will be surprised by how many times you will have to tell yourself this.

Dance. Always dance. If the choices are dance or don't? ALWAYS DANCE.

Hold tight to your faith. I pray you don't but one day you might feel totally alone. When you feel like you have nothing, you will still always have your faith. Pray every single day. Pray out loud and in silence. Talk to God, but also be quiet and listen. Pray for yourself and your family, thank God every day for your blessings.

Try to remember that when we look at you, sometimes we will still see the little girl in pigtails. We see the princess with the fairy wings, the toothless grin, the precious girl who needed a nightlight. We know that you want to be independent, trusted, and on your own. But now that the age 40 is closer for us than the age 16 (ouch!) we can see your teenage years from a different perspective. Living on your own, making your own choices, and doing everything on your own, will come in time. Try not to hate this time in your life too much, because the time between now and when you will be an adult is brief. We are cradling our time with you, wishing every day for the hours to slow down, just as we have since you were a baby in our arms.



Remember that no matter what road you take in life, good decisions and bad, we will always, always love you. Always.