"You're not going to have a 4th... ARE YOU?!"

I figured since I have decided to start the blog back up and take it in a somewhat different direction, I would jump right into one of the most talked about topics in my life (by other people) at this point...

I'll set the stage for you so you can see why I worded it the way I did ..."Most talked about topics in MY LIFE at this point..." Just last Sunday morning after Mass, Chris and I went to breakfast with the girls. Its a popular breakfast spot, so we had to put our name on a waiting list and head outside to wait for our table to be ready. The girls were dressed up super cute in their Christmas dresses (that aren't actually that Christmas-y), we were actually on time for mass (for once!), and everyone was in a good mood, listening so well for the most part. Chris was holding the baby and we stood there talking and enjoying the warm sun on a somewhat cool morning, when the door opened and an older woman walked out almost directly towards us.

"Oh my GOODNESS. Look at THIS! THREE GIRLS!! They are all SO BEAUTIFUL!" And then... the famous line, although this is the first time I've heard it worded like this..."You aren't going to have a FOURTH.... ARE YOU?!" Her face twisted into such a disgusted look. Her words stung a little, but not because of what she said, but the fact that I literally get asked this question every. single. time. I leave the house. In my mind it has become such an annoying assumption that I have actually started to answer it honestly. There was a time when I would shy away from answering, almost embarrassed by what I wanted to say. I would usually start laughing and just say "Oh I don't know... we'll see!" But this time, I couldn't. I had just left church where I spent half the time wrestling my 15 month old while she rolled in my arms like an alligator and I spent the other half thanking God for her, her sisters, their daddy and all the good things in our life. We were having a really nice morning- it was even my middle daughter's 4th birthday. I answered politely, yet truthfully. "Actually yes, we probably will have more." I glanced over at Chris and he smiled. "Probably 2 more, God willing." The look of shock on her face made up for the inadvertent insult she had hurled at me. I'm not quite sure what possesses some people to vocalize such broad assumptions to complete strangers, but I can promise you I have never even thought to judge someone based on how many or how few children they have. That is between the couple having the children and God.

But wait. There's more.

As the woman walked away, another older couple approached us, and started a conversation that sounded nearly identical to the one we just had. Lots of "Oh the girls are so cute!" and "My goodness THREE GIRLS?!" Then, again, "You have your hands full! Are you going to have any more....???!"

Look, I'm not an idiot. I know the real reason for all the judgey comments and stares. Having three children is not cause for panic. Its the ages of my children that bothers people.

"How old are you girls?" They say their ages with excitement and in unison "Five!" "FOUR!!" "And the baby is ONE!!" And there again, a glance from this couple to Chris and I, as if to say "You're one of those couples. Dumber than doornails."

Yes. We are one of those couples. I found out I was pregnant the first time 3 months after Chris and I got married. That pregnancy ended in a miscarriage at barely 5 weeks. Basically I was pregnant long enough to have a positive pregnancy and blood test, and to fall in love with a baby that I would never get to hold. Recovering from having a miscarriage physically wasn't very difficult- I was so early on, I didn't need to have a D&C. Recovering emotionally was one of the hardest times in my life. Any woman that has ever been pregnant knows it only takes a split second, a narrow moment in time, to fall madly in love. All it takes is two pink lines, a plus sign or a digital PREGNANT for that to be it. Its all over, and all you can think of is onesies and baby blankets and lavender lotion. Having it cut short is something so excrutiating, you feel like you're being ripped apart. I got pregnant a second time, with Maggie, 3 months after that. A viable pregnancy after miscarriage is equally joyful and terrifying, and to say that I was grateful was an understatement. I was scared, but so, so happy! But, thank God, 9 months later we were blessed with a darling little girl, and henceforth known only as Mommy and Daddy. 8 months after that, as I held a sweet, chubby, Maggie, who hadn't learned to walk yet and was still nursing, I held a pregnancy test in my hand that showed two very bold lines. The gravity of the situation escaped me, and instead pure joy flooded over me, as I threw my arms around Chris. We were both elated. 9 months after that, I held two beautiful baby girls in my arms, and unbeknownst to me, I began a new life with two girls 17 months apart, that would hold more of both happiness and frustration than I ever could have imagined. I was happy with my life, and I was beyond thankful for my two perfect pregnancies and healthy children.

Yet here I stand, watching those beautiful girls dance and twirl in their dresses, my 4 and 5 year old, Chris holding our precious 15 month old, and I feel so critically judged. Yes, we are one of those couples. So in love, so bonded, and after 11 years together, still so entwined in our college romance that we look at our children as living, breathing proof of how much we adore each other. We are one of those couples that were (and are) so drunk in love that we put the possibility of having more children in God's hands, which meant that 9 months later, we would have that second baby girl. Isn't that one of the ultimate goals of marriage? To be giddy, butterflies, cant-keep-our-hands-off-each-other in love? Why then, is it considered "bad judgment" to have children close in age? Why do people feel so confident that I must be either ignorant or stupid, because surely I would never have children so close together on purpose. Guess what, beautiful people? I'm going to share a little slice of reality with everyone that I think would probably change the world. IF YOU ARE NOT PREVENTING A PREGNANCY THEN YOU ARE TRYING TO GET PREGNANT. Its biology, folks. Science. I actually have to remind myself of this when I'm drunk on love and other delicious beverages in glasses with stems. So, back to the point: Getting pregnant with Mollie was not an accident. It was a surprise. An accident would imply that we avoided getting pregnant, where as a surprise is we weren't necessarily expecting it. But God blesses us sometimes when we don't even know we need it. And that's exactly what having babies close together is about. A built in best friend and play mate. PLEASE don't spin this on me though- there are just as many happily married, goofy in love, obsessed with each other, couples that only have one baby, or have a few kids years apart! That's the point- its up to each couple and what works for them.

So, maybe don't assume that someone who has more than two kids is ignorant, or irresponsible, or stupid. There's a chance that even though they may "have their hands full" they are overflowing with sweet little moments that would make anyone's heart burst. There's also a chance that they did it on purpose. There's an even better chance they don't regret having their babies close in age. See, there's a little secret about having babies back to back. There's actually a few, but one of the best is that those babies grow into toddlers that have an incredible bond. They don't remember life before the other. They do everything together and are so alike, but so completely different. Definitely don't feel sorry for me. I see more love, more bonding and more days full of happiness and adventure than some people see in a lifetime. Don't misunderstand me, though. Having kids close in age isn't always a walk in the park. There are tantrums and fights, and big, big messes. But there are many more great days full of laughter and playing, than there are bad days. So to answer the world famous question, YES, at some point, if we are so blessed, we would be more than happy to add another sweet little bundle to our family. Let's get back to the time when we were could be happy for each other, no matter how many or few babies we had. What works for me, might not work for you, and there is nothing wrong with that.

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The past 2 years. And the next 2 years.

Its been so long since my last post that I completely skipped an entire move from Ohio to Indiana. And a pregnancy. And a birth. And another move. In February of 2012, while still living in Ohio, we found out we would be welcoming our third baby in October. Then, in April, we found out we would be moving about 3 hours due west to Elkhart, Indiana. By May, we had settled into a tiny little house in Mishawaka, Indiana. I joined another mom's group and met another group of amazing moms that made being 16 hours away from Louisiana a little less difficult. The girls grew what seemed like 2 feet each. We made trips to the Lake Michigan beach in St. Joseph Michigan. We had lots and lots of play dates. Maggie went to Pre-K. In October, we welcomed our third beautiful, healthy, baby girl, Adeline. We learned to quickly adapt to life with three children. Thank goodness for the fabulous friends we made that were able to help us when we needed a babysitter! We made a trip down to Louisiana to spend Thanksgiving with family and baptize our sweet baby girl. Our trip took a terrifying turn when my mom was admitted to the hospital with pneumonia and scared the living daylights out of all of us. It was an extraordinarily difficult time, but she made an insanely quick turnaround and went from talks of ICU to being discharged out of the hospital within a week, thank you Jesus. We survived snow. LOTS AND LOTS OF SNOW. And yet even MORE SNOW. (But still, with all that snow last year, its still not even close to what the area as seen this year!) We spent Christmas and New Years in Indiana. More snow. Play dates, And then, the phone call that I never in a million years thought would come. I've said it before, but really, the stars aligned for us in such an incredible way that sometimes I still don't believe it happened. They moved us back to Louisiana in May of 2013. And just like that, I had it all back- all the people I had been missing, all the things I missed doing, the salty humid air, the wind coming off of Lake Pontchartrain. Louisiana is an incredible place to grow up. But it becomes a magical, enchanted utopia once you move away. The people, the climate, the seasons, the food. Nearly every other city pales in comparison feels like its missing something. So, as soon as we got back, we started checking things off of our to do list- The Audubon Zoo, the Aquarium, City Park, the French Quarter, swimming, eating crawfish, snowballs, KING CAKES. We meet my parents several times a week for lunch, mass with family on Sundays, spending time with Chris' grandpa and family. We've gotten to have birthday parties for each of the girls, we had Thanksgiving and Christmas here with our families. Its been a really amazing 7 months. But there is something about working for the Railroad that not many people know. Its completely unpredictable. If you want to move up in the company, you have to, well, move. That's why the term "railroad wife" was so lovingly created. Similar to military wife in that it involves frequent and last minute moves clear across the country (although that's where the similarities end- being a military wife is exponentially more stressful, I have no doubt). Chris frequently gets called out to work in the middle of the night for hours at a time. His grandpa (who retired from the railroad) has a famous line that plays out in my mind every. single. day. "It doesn't rain or snow on the railroad. There are no holidays on the railroad. When the railroad needs him, he goes." That's the truth. I honestly thought the railroad was a dying industry when we first discussed the possibility of him accepting the job. Yeah, safe to say I was very wrong. There is so much about the industry that so many people don't know (and probably don't care to know). But for me, the most important part of its history was that they have NEVER laid off management. That was huge. April of 2011 we moved to Ohio. April of 2012 we moved to Indiana. April of 2013 we moved to Louisiana. Its January, and I'm having mixed emotions. My initial response to the question of whether or not we would move again was "absolutely not." We made finally made it back to the deep south, down the road from family and everything that is important to us! Why would we ever move away from here?! Well, for anyone in this same situation, having the same feelings, I will give you my explanation as to why my response has changed: Once Chris and I got married, we vowed our lives to each other. We promised to continually do what we had to do to make our lives better. There are so many different factors that we took into consideration the first time we moved. But I would say the hardest part about deciding whether or not to move away is knowing that we will be away from our family. Its an extraordinarily difficult decision, and certainly not one we take lightly. As the youngest of 7 children, my family has always been the most important part of my life. But when I think of how bad I want to stay here, I always remember my vows. My family is Chris and our girls. Our future is more important than anything else. We have to make difficult decisions now so our lives can be better later. When our marriage began 7 years ago, it was in front of God. We promised to always put Him first, then each other. Chris started out as an estimator at a construction company and I was a nurse at Children's Hospital in New Orleans. A winding, bumpy road let us to make the decision that Chris should accept a job with the railroad. The only thing that got us through moving clear across the country with our two very little girls? Faith. And as hard as it is to let go of the reigns and put our future in someone else's hands, we have to. I have faith that God will be there if and when we get transferred again. As difficult as moving away will be, I have to believe that God knows better than I do. I think about the beautiful friendships that were made and experiences that we had while living in Ohio and Indiana and how scared I was to move, but God knew better. With every move comes a promotion (always a good thing!), an adventure, new friends, new memories. And even though it will be hard to move again, God will be there, making my marriage stronger, and my faith deeper. There are a few things that I dread about moving, aside from the obvious. I just hate the sight of a cardboard box. I HATE UNPACKING. Thank goodness for moving companies who come pack my every belonging for me, because if it were up to me to pack, we'd still be in our first house in Louisiana. Keeping track of three small children while my house is being packed away? SO not fun. Can't worry about that now, just have to cross that bridge when we get there. If we end up moving again in a few months, I'm going to need something a little stronger than coffee. Pass the merlot!